Our Fifth Haircut at "Nuevo Look Salon"

Aricelli and Nicholas

Being able to get a simple haircut is often a monumental milestone for many autistic children and their families.  Today marked our fifth consecutive successful haircut in a row.  We've been getting haircuts around every two months since the beginning of the year.  It's almost normal.

Prior to getting his first actual haircut at Nuevo Look Salon, we had four visits to sit and watch dad get his haircut, and to meet the hair stylist, Aricelli, or Chelli, as she prefers, and to get desensitized and accustomed to the environment.  That took about a year of consistent effort, from talking about doing it, planning to do it, to actually doing it.  Luckily it is next to a doughnut shop, so there was always the motivating force of a delicious doughnut afterward. 

Aricelli has been cutting my hair for about three years now.  Her salon is a ten minute walk from our place.  Her prices are very affordable.  It made so much sense to try to establish a haircut routine there. 

We always take the iPad for distraction, though he relies on it less and less.  Donella, his behavior therapist, had come a few times to sit with him during the desensitization process, and she came the very first time he sat in the chair.  Prior to that, mom had cut his hair for about three years at home.  She did a great job, even buying a pair of professional scissors and a cape.  She watched a few "how to" YouTube videos and just went to it.  However, as great as she was, it was never an easy task for her, or him.

enjoying his motivator

Like every other parent of an autistic kid, we tried taking him to the standard franchise hair places when he was younger, and he had notoriously famous meltdowns - the stuff of legends.  And that was before we had a diagnosis, so we didn't know what we were dealing with exactly, but we were starting to suspect.  The electric razors would make him lose it.  And we would ask them not to use them, but they would never listen.  He couldn't sit in the chair with the razor going, so he'd get up and run away.  They'd follow, cornering him while he melted down, the hair falling between his shirt which made his experience all the more horrible.  They were usually middle-aged Latinas, mothers themselves, maybe even grandmothers, who thought they just knew better, and who, afterwards, would give us these really terrible side glances like we were bad parents.  And we paid them for that!

Haricuts with mom weren't as painful, but they were always a struggle.  It was getting to be too much for both of them.  As he matured, and with many hours of intensive therapy behind him, he began to consider getting his haircut with dad.  And with Aricelli, I had found about the best person on the planet to be able to handle it.

She is very calm, and playful, and has a nice, pleasant, and flirtatious energy.  He responds well to that.  She has the same kind of presence that some of his older female cousins and first and second cousins have.  She is a fantastic stylist of course, and her shop is a small family business, and as my father owned a small business, I always try to patronize one when I can.

She was perfect from the get go, always ready and willing to try and make it work.  She listened.  She understood.  She charmed him, and he charmed her back.  She got it.  And most importantly, she got him.  A lot of the success goes to her.  She has a good heart.  And she's smart.  She can even use the razor on him, that's how awesome she is.

He really enjoys going to her.  She is a rock star in our eyes.  I remember as I watched him sit in the chair for her the first time, and she worked her magic and cut his hair, I started to get tears in my eyes.  I remember thinking, "I got lucky."  Yes, it took much planning and consistent effort on my part, about a year's worth of it, but I was lucky to find someone like her to open my mind up to the notion of attempting to even try it.  That's luck.

In all fairness to the previous haircutters, they had no idea what they were dealing with.  As autism parents, we know we really can't spring our kids on people, especially unsuspecting working professionals, and expect them to get it, to understand, and have the patience and awareness to work with them.  We hope that they can.  We pray that they can.  And sometimes we get lucky but usually we don't.  We do if they're angels, but they're usually just people.  We have to work with people.  We have to cultivate professional relationships and be respectful.  We can't force their world to change at will.  That's not realistic.  We can bring about a change, though, with work and patience and perspective.  Of course, we didn't know at the time that we were dealing with autism the first three years of his life.  However, we did know, deep down, we were dealing with something unusual. 

Speaking for myself, I have found that as long as I am open and honest, and ready to work with someone, and polite and courteous, for the most part, the good comes out of people, and they are willing to use their innate kindness to help in ways that they know they can.  Autism parenting isn't just about working with our kids.  It's about working with everyone.  We change.  They change.  And so changes the world.

Living with autism is the ultimate transformative experience.

Here are some pictures from our fourth successful haircut.

If you're in the area, look them up!  Nuevo Look Salon