The Endeavor

ENDEAVOR:  Try hard to do or achieve something.  An attempt to achieve a goal.

It wasn't always perfect.  Life with autism is never perfect.  Anytime you venture forth out into the world, you are always flirting with disaster.  We were on the edge of one yesterday, a disaster.  Maybe a few more minutes, maybe a wrong word choice or a momentary loss of patience, even with the promise of something special, even with the help of therapists, and we would have had a full-on legendary meltdown of epic proportions.  Somehow it didn't happen.  Mom saved it.  Didn't matter how she saved it.  What matters is that she did.

Every day is a different day.  Knowing the precursors, knowing the whispers, knowing the triggers are helpful but, really, they're only a guide.  Autism parents have to be always, always aware of the potentials and of the out-and-out surprises any day, any situation can bring.  And sometimes we miss a few.  Since it's summer here in the USA, I will make a baseball allusion -- even the best hitters in the major leagues get fooled by a change-up.  And unlike a professional baseball player, batting 300 when living with autism isn't a good thing.  In fact, it's almost unlivable. 

Yesterday we batted around 775.  It was a good day.  Though the other 225 was not good at all, and out in public for all to witness, which is always uncomfortable.  On the ride home our son's therapist commented on how tired she was.  Yeah, I told her, you expend a lot of energy on these little outings. Most of it mental -- the most tiring energy to spend of all.


Still, these outings, especially on public transit, on trains no less, were unthinkable two years ago, prior to the making of the documentary, and prior to services and therapy.  Yesterday there was a sense of excitement and anticipation.  There was a goal.  A reward.  A payoff.  Living where we live, we are lucky to have such "motivators" just a train ride away.


Living with autism is a long haul, a day in, day out grind.  However; there is always light, always hope, even when it's a dark, bumpy ride.  Even at the edge of a potentially disastrous situation, like we almost had yesterday, there is always hope.

It takes practice, luck and loads of calm and patience, and one must be ready to venture forth at a moment's notice.  It is unknown territory.  Living with autism is always venturing into unknown territory.  In the long run, though, it is an endeavor worth taking, as often there are beautiful moments awaiting you at the end of the road.