Autism: Rethinking Family: May The Force Be With You

Source: Public Domain

We are fortunate to be able to take ourselves to Disneyland every six months or so. We usually attend during the work week and in the off-season, to avoid crowds. We have had several trips that we're not so great and some that went just fine. With the autism, it's always a crap shoot and sometimes we are lucky to roll a seven and sometimes not. It just depends. In terms of their condition, Disneyland does present several challenges but we've been able to cope and adapt to them, with patience and a little luck. Our last visit was a testament to that.

We are in a high "Star Wars" cycle right now, especially Nicolas but Elena isn't so far behind. It's great! It's really cute and they love all the characters and the movies. It makes them happy. It was a part of my teenage years so it takes me back to those times as well. It's been nice to be able to share and connect with them through these films.

With Nicholas it is, perhaps, a bit more complex and obsessive. He is at the age still where it all is very real to him. All things "Star Wars" are a very meaningful aspect of his current reality. He lives it at a very deep level.

At Disneyland there are daily shows at the Tomorrowland Terrace of an interactive performance-based children's theater piece called the "Jedi Training Academy." It is an outdoor stage show where they get a bunch of young children from the audience and train them to be Padawans (a Jedi Knight's apprentice). They get a lot of children. They are chosen by the Jedi Master who says "you there, and you in the green, you in the yellow, you with with the mouse ears..." and so on and so on till there are about forty kids on stage. They put robes on the kids and give them toy light sabers, and begin to "train" them in the Jedi ways when Darth Vader unexpectedly shows up, accompanied by Darth Maul and two evil Storm Troopers. Darth Vader tries to turn the kids to the dark side, and each kid gets to have a toy light saber duel with him. It's fun and really neat for both the kids and the parents. And very cute.

So, I didn't really know how the show was run having never had any interest in seeing it prior to this last visit. In my ignorance, I though they chose one kid from the audience, if they chose any kids at all. Nicholas really just wanted to see Darth Vader because I told him that he was going to be there. That is why we went to see it. I didn't know anything else. We got there right as the show started and the "hosts" were explaining what would happen.

The main players for that performance came out--the Jedi Master and three assistant Jedi Knights. The Jedi Master began choosing the kids to be in the performance. Suddenly kids were frantically jumping up and down, throwing their hands up in the air, and getting in Nicholas' way. Kids kept getting picked as the Jedi Master moved down the rows. Nicholas was watching them as they ran up, got put in a robe, and given a light saber.

The Jedi Master gets to our section of the audience and I'm thinking, "What if he picks Nicholas? What if he actually gets picked? What will he do? Will he do it? Will I have to intervene if things go wrong?" Luckily, he doesn't get picked as two older kids jumped in front of him and he disappeared from the Jedi Master's line of sight. I was relieved, for a moment, thinking now all we have to do is watch.

And then the trouble began...

Instead of wondering what he would do if he got picked, I should have been thinking, "What the hell am I going to do if he DOESN'T get picked!" because he suddenly, without warning, became very, very, very heartbroken. I was stunned. He started crying deep painful cries of hurt and anguish. Cries that I have only heard once before.

We are very good at including him in everything he can be included in. We go out of our way to do that for him. And now, when he so desperately wanted to be included, he wasn't. He was excluded. It was making him, emotionally, fall apart. It was awful. An all-time low for us both.

I had no idea he would have that reaction. I was trying to keep my own emotions from getting involved. Jill was away on other rides with Elena, so it was just the two of us. I kept trying to calmly explain that it was okay, that we could watch this one and come back for the next one two hours later, but it wasn't working. All-the-while I was feeling like such a heel and jerk for not thinking the scenario through and for letting down my son. He quickly escalated from hurt tears to inconsolable heaves to a good old-fashioned ASD public meltdown as I desperately text messaged Jill to come as fast as she could. She did, and took over trying to calm him.

Elena has become overly sensitive to Nicholas' crying recently, so when she got there with Jill she started to act up as well, which in turn caused him to take a few swings at her to everyone's growing frustration. Having public meltdowns is nothing new for us, though it has been awhile thanks to intensive therapy. This was Disneyland, though, so, at least for me, the pressure to get it under control was extra intense.

It was getting very heated between the four of us now, with Elena screaming and his tone becoming angrier. Jill and I exchanged words, over what I don't know, but doing so propelled me to pick up Elena and move away from her and Nicholas. And as I did that I ran straight on into the "host" who had introduced the show in the first place.

I went up to her and said something like, "I know there is nothing you can do about it for this show, but my son is autistic and he is over there having a really awful tantrum because he was devastated that he wasn't chosen to participate. He just doesn't get it. Is there anyway, anything we can do to make sure that he gets picked for the next one? I mean, he's dying over there. He's heartbroken. His feelings are hurt."

She was very calm. She looked his direction and said that, "He should be here at least fifteen to twenty minutes early next time, get a good spot and when the Jedi Master starts picking kids to be loud, jump up and down and say pick me, pick me as much as he can. There's no guarantees he'll get picked still, but the more shows he sees the higher the chance goes up he'll get picked."

I thanked her and went back to Jill and Nicholas and asked him if he wanted to get the light saber I had made for him that we had on hold over in the Star Wars store. That's a classic "redirection" in behavior management terms. To my surprise he said, "Yes!" and began to calm down. As we walked over to get it I told Jill what the host told me. We agreed to do just that but we had about an hour and a half to burn. In the meantime, he ate, went on a ride with mom while I went on Star Tours with Elena and made her a light saber of her own.

Come 2pm we are all back and I take him to the get a good spot. This time he has his green Yoda light saber and I am sitting right up against him so that no other kid could move him out of the way. We are sitting next to two older boys, about ten, and they both have light sabers as well. So things are looking good.

2:20 rolls around and the "hosts" come out to introduce the show, and my person, my girl, my connection isn't one of them. "Damn it!" I say under my breath. "What the fu**?!" And I text Jill this who is sitting close by with Elena, watching. She goes over to one of the new hosts and explains our plight and basically gets told the same thing, to just jump up and down and say you didn't pick me last time. "Great. Here we go again," I think to myself. "And if he doesn't get picked...again?"

At 2:25 the players come out. Same Jedi Master, and I'm thinking, "Okay, that's good. He better pick him or he's getting his ass kicked" and other such thoughts parents think in those situations. And then to my surprise I see my host, my connection, my Disney-employee-in-shining-armor, and she is now playing a part in the show! She's a Jedi! And I start thinking, "Okay, we got a chance here!"

So the choosing of the children begins, and he starts in the other section, and I'm thinking, "Crap, we should have been over there" and I start telling Nicholas pick up your light saber and swing it around, and jump up and say pick me, pick me, pick me! And he starts doing it as much as he can, and the two older boys next to us start doing it and all three of them have their light sabers and are jumping up and down and the moment he gets to our section the Jedi Master says, "you three boys with light sabers come up! But leave your light sabers!" And he runs up, leaving his light saber with me, and before I could look up he has his robe on already and is up on the highest level of the stage, waiting in his "spot." Wow! He's doing it! And the host, my connection, is the one running this aspect of the show. Awesome!

The show begins and he is doing his thing up there, the best he can, and he is taking it very seriously because for him, this is the real-deal. It's the Magic Kingdom only he is at the age where it's not magic, it's reality. In his mind and heart, he is learning to be a Jedi.

Soon after Darth Vader comes out, dramatically rising from the nether regions, trying to sway the kids to join him and embrace the dark side, and then each kid gets a chance to duel with him to prove their worthiness. During this time one lucky child gets to do something special that the others don't. One child gets told that they can "Force Push" Darth Vader and his two Storm Troopers. If you have seen the films then you know what a Force Push is all about.

I don't know how it's timed out. I don't know if the host who is now the Jedi Knight and in charge of sending the kids to Darth Vader knew how to work it. I don't know if the crew and tech people behind me had anything to do with it. I don't know if it was just dumb luck, but Nicholas got to be the kid that Force Pushes Darth Vader, and then both of his Storm Troopers, first separately then both at the same time. I was doing all I can not to break out in tears of joy at the same time clicking away about fifty pictures. I was so proud of my little boy!

I would like to think our host-turned-Jedi had something to do with it, but I will never know. If she did then she is forever in my gratitude. Really. And I will always send her the highest vibes I can.

How ever it came about, it was truly meant to be. He will have a special moment of triumph that, for him and for me, will honestly last a lifetime. From the lowest of lows to the highest of highs in a little over two hours, for both a boy and his dad. I have never experienced anything like that.

And to think, if he had been chosen the first time, he would have never had this wonderful and meaningful experience at all.

May the Force be with you, always!